Run
by SgtMac
Summary: Set in 3B, Emma can't stop herself from running away and doesn't know how to take a gamble on her heart, but if she doesn't start learning how to, there may not be time to do it before it's too late, anyway. SQ.


**A/N:** From a Tumblr prompt - based on the lyrics to the song _HERE I GO_. It's not an exact fit, but it works.

**Timeline:** 3B. This was written before we found out what Zelena's plan was.

* * *

This kind of gooey complicated romantic thing almost never happens outside of movies and it certainly doesn't ever happen to someone like her. Not that she would even humor the idea of it happening, anyway because she knows better. She knows better because she's not a naïve romantic with delusions of flowers and sonnets.

No, she's not a romantic at all. She's seen too much, and had too many disastrous lovers along the way, and she has a light pink scar about an inch long on her right hip from a beautiful man with an ugly soul and she thinks she won't ever gamble on something – especially not when it comes to love and romance and her heart – God, her heart - that isn't guaranteed a significant payout because she's just a hair north of thirty now and she sure as hell knows better by now.

She does know better. She really does.

So she smiles when Regina laughs at her struggles with magic and she smiles when Regina smirks and tells her try again, and perhaps this time she should really try not to accidentally make all of the windows on Snow White's bathroom wall completely see-through because really, no one needs to see that, right?

Emma smiles and asks why the bathroom has windows at all, and Regina gives her this little half-grin that reminds the great and mighty Savior that yes once upon a time in a far away kingdom (and not so far away or long ago), this woman was bad - so very bad - but there's a quirky weird twisted sense of humor under all of that and it makes Emma laugh far more than is appropriate now or ever.

It makes her laugh and she thinks that she knows better than be allowing herself to fall so easily because the payout on this - well the odds on something working between the two of them – between a broken Savior and a Fallen Queen - suck.

They suck, and she won't play them, simply can't afford to play them.

Won't, won't, won't.

She turns the windows back to opaque, and Regina nods her head in approval and something like fierce pride, and her dark eyes are so beautifully bright, and Emma knows that if she doesn't look away, she never will because she doesn't want to.

But she does look away because she has to, and doesn't smile this time because she wants to do something else entirely with her mouth but she knows better, and they both do and there's just this.

There's just this, and there can't be anything more than this.

* * *

They're arguing and then they're fighting and when Regina loses her temper and her hands just jerk up and Emma's against the wall, suddenly everything is just closing in on her, and before she can ever begin to think about what she's doing or why she shouldn't do it, she throws the first punch and then waits and expects a return hit because that's how they've always been - that's how Regina is; she doesn't just take and not give - but Regina, now sporting a bloody cut on her lip, just stares back at her with such dark and hurt and stricken eyes and she thinks that she needs to get the hell out of this room, out of this house, out of this city.

She will.

That's what this is all about.

Finding a way out.

Digging herself a getaway tunnel.

Now if only Regina would let her escape.

But well, she wouldn't be Regina if she did that so instead she sneers, and her dark eyes are glittering brightly with half-shed tears and so much hurt. "You're a coward," she hisses. "I never thought I'd say that, but you're a coward, Emma."

"No, it's not like that," Emma protests, and her hands ball up into tight fists at her sides. Not because she wants to strike out again, though, but rather because she wants to grab Regina and find a way to make her understand that everything inside of her is so upside right down and nothing makes sense and isn't that at least partly Regina's fault because isn't she the one who had offered Emma a happy life that she didn't want, but now doesn't know how to let go of?

But the truth is that she does want to let it go, and that's just as scary.

Because she can go back and she can run and she can pretend that none of this exists, and that all that's real is New York, and yes it's a complete lie but it's a safe lie because Regina's eyes are so deep and so dark and so very hurt and Emma wants more than anything else to just pull her so very close to her.

She wants to hold this woman and promise her that everything is going to be okay and that they're going to be okay, and when did that happen? When did these feelings turn from something dark to something bright and does it matter?

Of course it does, but she knows that it can't even though it does.

"Isn't it?" Regina snaps back. "You come back and you make me think I have a chance at a family again, and then you're just going to take it all away and act like it won't hurt me. You act like I…like we don't matter. And it's all because you're too goddamned afraid to stand up and ever fight for anything that you want."

Regina corrects herself with "we", but Emma still hears "I" and she thinks about soft skin that she's only touched in passing and strong fingers that she's only felt because of magic lessons, and she feels the need to move, move, move.

Because if she doesn't leave now, if she gives in, then she knows she'll give in.

Completely.

But she's never been more of a coward than she is right now and she's not sure if running or staying is the more cowardly move, anymore. She tries to tell herself it's staying, but she knows it's running and Regina is so angry and so hurt and she thinks there might be magic soon, and not the kind that she sees in her dreams that she shouldn't be having - knows that she absolutely can not be having.

Those are the dreams she can't allow herself to think about.

So she doesn't.

But she does, and she can still remember the arching of Regina's back, and the way she'd whimpered. It'd only been a dream, but it's real enough to ache.

"I am fighting with you," Emma reminds her, her voice shaky. "Fighting her."

"I don't give a damn about my sister," Regina snaps back. "I care about…" she trails off and then there are tears falling down her cheeks, so bright and wet.

"You know I can't give you that," Emma whispers. And then because the fear is choking her and she wants to do something else entirely, she says, "Henry."

She's trying to say that she needs to protect their son from all of this. From this town and from Zelena and from the heartbreak that being here will always bring.

But it's a cop-out and she can't stop her broken voice from betraying her lies.

"Regina," she tries again, because she wants so badly to explain this. "I'm sorry."

And then Regina does strike her.

Emma exhales, and closes her eyes as pain blooms across her right cheek. Her hand covers the point of contact and it's almost warm enough to burn her.

Regina's gone when she opens her eyes again.

* * *

They lose another battle a few short days later; Zelena has Regina's heart, and it's terrifying because all she's doing is holding it and letting Regina know that at any point, she could force her little sister to do anything that she wants her to.

She could kill her or make her kill someone that she loves.

In the space of a heartbeat, she could force more blood onto her hands.

Regina freaks out and insists that she be left alone. That idea fails, of course, because Emma may want to run as far away she can, but she's not about to leave Regina to this kind of fate. It fails because her mother has suddenly remembered that a very long time ago, she and Regina truly did love each other as family.

They reach a compromise after a lot of arguing and David having to referee about six different times; they'll use magical cuffs that they've found in Gold's shop - thanks to Belle - that will temporarily restrain Regina and bind her magic. If she wants out of them, well they're not like the cuff that Rumplestiltskin had been wearing when he'd disappeared with Pan, but they're still something.

The second part of the plan – which Regina calls worthless and a whole lot of other terms that show Emma just how frightened the woman truly is - is that someone will stay with Regina at all times and if she begins struggling or starts trying to get out of the cuffs, well then, they'll alert everyone else and then they can…to be honest, no one really knows what they can do at that point because it's not like they could actually stop her so part three is retrieving Regina's heart.

But they don't quite know where to look for her heart just yet so a tired and half-broken Emma takes the first watch even though Regina rather clearly says that she doesn't want the former sheriff - she has no ties to this city anymore, Regina bitterly reminds everyone, and Emma feels as though she's been struck again - to be the one to stay with her, but Snow and David both ignore Regina because they think this is just Regina being worried about accidentally hurting Emma.

They don't understand and they don't see Emma's hands balling again.

Because there's that feeling again – the one of so desperately wanting to pull Regina into her arms and promise, promise, promise that this will all be all right and when it's all over, she won't leave and she won't run away and everything will be something between them, but she doesn't because she's not a romantic and such words stick on her tongue like the kind of lies that are meant to heal but somehow always make every wound just a little bit worse in the long run.

She won't lie – can't lie – but she stays with Regina and tries to talk to her about the things that don't hurt in their lives, but Regina's only reply to every comment is to ask if she still plans to leave and when Emma can't answer, she shuts down.

She shuts down because she thinks that she's losing and that she's lost and she's not willing anymore than Emma is to take a gamble that she can't possibly win.

Not on this, anyway.

Emma stays with her the whole first night, her eyes never closing.

And when Regina starts screaming in pain at just after four in the morning, two thoughts strike her all at once - she thinks that she needs to run away from this about as fast as she can because she's about to lose everything all over again, and she thinks she needs to get to Regina so that she never loses her again.

* * *

The hardest thing that she does – that she thinks that she's ever done - is leaving a gasping and deeply pained Regina with her mother so that she and her father can go retrieve the heart of the woman she's now realizing just how completely in love with. It's an absurdly short fight; Zelena enjoys torturing Regina but what she really wants is to defeat her sister face to face, and not from a distance.

She wants to see Regina break, and then she wants to see her die.

So she lets them take back Regina's heart, and she smirks at Emma because she knows that the woman - the savior - that everyone believes in so very much is little more than a terrified child playing dress up. She knows that because she's held Regina's heart and she's felt the emotions there, touched the pain.

She says, "Do my work for me, Savior." And then, she grins.

David looks at her, his head cocked. "Emma?" he asks because he has no idea what's going on, he doesn't notice the way his daughter is clutching the heart to her chest or the tears he mistakes as raindrops that seem to litter her pale face.

He understands that he loves this child desperately, but he can't see the way she's running because he's never really had to and just doesn't know.

* * *

Regina gasps when her heart - curiously pulsing bright red in the middle, red breaking through black - is put back in her chest. She says, "Thank you," and it's the biggest brush-off ever because she refuses to look Emma in the eye; she's the one running away now, and she'll do it simply because she's not willing to take a chance on something that feels like it's already been lost. She's not willing to take a chance on someone who refuses to take a chance on her.

"Regina," Emma tries, and has no idea what she'll say next.

"I need to deal with my sister," Regina deflects coolly.

"I'm with you," Emma replies, and she tries to smile because she thinks that she's trying to say something more than that but she can't because what if they lose?

What if she says too much right now and Zelena wins and then all she has is a heart that's too hurt and a son who doesn't understand and so many memories that she doesn't know where they came from? What if this is the end of things?

That's when it hits her.

What if this _is_ the end?

What if?

Regina's looking away from her, staring out the window of the loft, and she's saying something about how the two of them should do something or other from the east and the west and then maybe she cracks a joke about a house, but Emma doesn't hear her because she's suddenly striding across the room.

She's walking quickly and with purpose and it feels like so long since she had anything that felt like this does. She grabs Regina by the arm, and is spinning her around and all the while she's shaking her head because she does know better.

But what if this is the end and there's no tomorrow?

What if the morning brings ashes and she never got to do this?

What if Regina never understands?

Her heart is pounding and this is a disaster and she knows it.

And she has to know.

So she kisses Regina and then she kisses her again, and it's Snow clearing her throat and looking surprised and confused and like she thinks maybe she's smoked something that she shouldn't have that makes her stop kissing.

Regina sure as hell doesn't stop her.

In fact, all Regina says in that haughty magnificent tone of her is, "Well then."

Like that means something.

And maybe it does and maybe it doesn't.

But at least if it's the end, Emma thinks, at least they both know.

* * *

It almost is the end.

Regina dies.

She actually fucking dies.

Emma's strong but she's not actually good at magic. Fortunately, for everyone in this town, Regina's actually great. Zelena and her start throwing sparks and fire and even a little bit of ice and ash around, and maybe Regina uses Emma as a battery to keep herself charged up, but it's all skill and cleverness, and Regina wins with a light show that they can probably see all the way back in New York.

Oh, but Zelena doesn't go down without her own show.

Not without her own blast of something deadly and awful right at Emma.

Regina's not supposed to be a hero. She knows better.

Emma knows better.

They all goddamned know better.

But Regina doesn't know how to not keep confusing everyone. She doesn't know how to be consistent except to be consistently confusing and unpredictable; when the blast from Zelena comes, she steps in front of Emma and then she laughs because it feels so warm and like this couldn't possibly be the end.

Because then she's down on the ground and she's convulsing and she's dying and her eyes are closing and Emma freaks out harder than she ever has before. True Love's Kiss is a thing but Emma's not from that world, she's from this one and so she reaches down and starts doing chest compressions and when that doesn't work, she thinks about her magic and thinks about love and then boom how about that, she feels energy flowing from her hands and she's a defibrillator.

God, the jokes she has.

But Regina's eyes are open and she's in monstrous pain, but she's alive.

Emma kisses her.

This is neither the time nor the place, but she's from that world, too.

And there's magic.

Regina's kissing her back now.

Until she remembers and coughs, and frowns.

Like only she can.

Emma remembers how to breathe.

* * *

When they're alone again - when Henry, Henry who hasn't stopped hugging Regina like he's a man in the desert who just found water again, is finally knocked out in his old bedroom - Regina turns to Emma and says in a voice made soft by the hoarseness of her throat and the emotion of the long evening, "I need to know, Emma; is this just a lie? Will you be gone with my son in the morning?"

"I'm sorry," Emma says.

"For what? For leaving or for -"

"For…wanting to."

"I don't care about that. I don't care about who you've been or what you want to do…" she pauses because who she's been is so deeply part of who she is now and who she will always be. Giving so much away – showing so much of herself – it's hard and it hurts and it's frightening. "I just need to know if you're staying."

"I didn't thank you, did I?" Emma replies instead.

"For what?"

"For letting me see what happiness should look like."

Regina's face falls because she thinks they're talking about New York again. She thinks that this is goodbye, and she's telling herself that she won't accept a kiss.

But then there are strong arms wrapping around her and Emma is pulling her so very close and so very tight and whispering softly, "I'm so terrible at this. I'm awkward and awful at all of these things that I'm supposed to be good at -"

"Why should you be?"

"Because it should be so easy to be happy."

Regina smiles sadly at this, and then their hands are intertwined and rested over the Queen's heart - a no longer completely black heart which has been removed, returned, stopped and restarted - "Oh, my dear, it never is. But you're here."

"I'm here," Emma allows and is as held as she is holding. "And I'm staying here."

"You are."

"I am. I am."

It's corny and cheesy and Emma is terrible at romance and romantic words, and she knows better than to be taking a gamble at something with odds as bad as the ones are here but now she knows and she'll knows she'll always know.

So she says softly, "I go here. Here I go." And she laughs and then she sings the words to a song that Regina doesn't know (she sings them badly, but they're beautiful and warm) and then Regina laughs and Emma thinks of magic and love and lessons and seeing what's inside of her and knowing what's inside of them.

She thinks of musty books and how one day - for some kid, maybe hers - this will be one hell of a story, and isn't it fun that she finally got herself into one all her own.

**-Fin**


End file.
